tfw

monsieurenjlolras

langernameohnebedeutung

before cooking an egg, do you poke a little hole into the shell?

no, why would I?

No. (I know the reason people do it but I don't do it.)

yes, obviously??

Yes (I don't really know why, though)

other/press button!/don't like eggs/vegan/slurp my eggs raw/vanilla extract/tags

blue-corvid

Before I… crack them open?

langernameohnebedeutung

....before you put them in here:

the water cup even comes with a little needle at the bottom for hole-poking purposes, see:

~~sorry i meant boil not cook~~

blue-corvid

WHAT IS THAT

langernameohnebedeutung

It's an egg cooker!

It's like a toaster and an electric kettle had a baby and ...the baby boils eggs.

langernameohnebedeutung

#is this specifically a German thing #because Germans tend to have Opinions about eggs #also the only people I know who actually know how to use an egg cup are German #teach me your ways - I still don’t understand why you’d use an egg cup. and I can’t imagine boiling eggs not in a pot on the stove

no egg cup:

egg cup:

langernameohnebedeutung

#why is the wobble an issue you pick them up one at a time shell then and eat them like not whole but just #you hold them and bite them and eat then till there's none left? why does this need extra tools

...at this point i'm sorry to introduce...the egg spoon.

asparklethatisblue

Even better news about German egg related gadgets… the Eierköpfer (it also has a super long German name), for when you need a guillotine to open your egg neatly

bonyassfish

No offence to Germany but why are you guys so fucking insane

langernameohnebedeutung

nothing to see here. Just normal feelings about egg.

monsieurenjlolras

fuggivaboutit

t-shirt that says "object permanence is for schmucks!" on the front

fuggivaboutit

t-shirt that says "object permanence is for schmucks!" on the back

homeofthephobic-buff

are they the same shirt

fuggivaboutit

idk

mindfulwrath

real-centricide-twitter-posts

gothwizardmagic

shelterwoodpod

Let's make a haunted house together! Ingredients:

creaky floorboards and squealing hinges

uncomfortable and disquieting wall art

mysterious noises from... somewhere

flesh

dusty old opulent furniture

creepy dolls

memories of what once was and long-suppressed secrets

long shadows cast by insufficient lighting

show results/tag something else

reblog to enlist your mutuals in building the House :)

teaboot

I think I just accidentally became someone's loan shark??

teaboot

Okay it sounds bad but bear with me:

Someone owes me a significant amount of money, and has made it clear that they do not intend to pay me back.

I sent them one text to follow up about it around two months ago, letting them know that I wasn't stressed about it and I could wait or do installments if they needed time or things were rough, and they promptly blocked my number and deleted me on social media.

I was kinda bummed, but then, you know. I figured, it's a lot of money, but at least they've removed themselves from my life, right? If I were to choose between thinking someone like that was a reliable friend or paying a lump sum for the trash to take itself out, I could make peace with it. Whatever. Live and learn.

So, I haven't seen them in a few months. Cool. But then I was walking downtown and I see someone out of the corner of my eye just sitting around, having a drink. Don't know who, don't know what. Not paying attention, yeah? I'm living my life.

But as I get closer to walk past them, I see them get up and start booking it. And as I turn to figure out what's up, why is someone running, I recognize the back of their head, and as they look over their shoulder, we make eye contact, and then they're gone.

And I realize

I just got off work. I'm power-walking in what could ostensibly be interpreted as their direction. They look up and see someone they ghosted, who they have screwed monumentally, coming at them with a hundred-yard-stare and what they may not know is a regular resting bitch face. I don't even care about the money anymore, I've accepted it as a loss, but they blocked me on everything so they don't know that. And they went, "fuck this shit, not today" and dipped.

And that would be funny on it's own, but we do not live in a large, heavily-populated area. It's definitely going to happen again. So my question is this:

How long are they going to let themselves live in fear of my stumpy 5'3" ass hunting them down like John Wick or the devil himself before they snap

And how good is this gonna get while I let them

teaboot

I need to be clear that I look like this

A cartoonist doodle of a small masculine figure with short hair and an undercut, making a kitty face and waving with both hands. They have multiple necklaces and bracelets and are wearing an oversized men's shirt that says "DILF" on it. An arrow pointing to them reads "hardened criminal"

spongebobssquarepants

teathattast

teathattast

Mad because you don't have bird vision?

teathattast

Seethe . You will never b them

kurtwagnermorelikekurtwagnerd

cineshemp

if you guys thought you had a weird middle school experience my whole grade was convinced I was an actual literal werewolf for 3 years to the point where people were afraid of me so come 8th grade the popular girl had a huge Halloween party on her farm that everyone went to that just happened to coincide with the full moon so I staged a whole elaborate ‘transformation’ at the end of the night and scared the shit out of all of them. I don’t think I’ll ever top that

cineshemp

the prisoner of azkaban had just come out. we were a bunch of bored idiot kids in the boonies. everyone thought they could identify a werewolf and I just happened to have illnesses that often took me out of school around the time of the full moon every month. it didn’t help that I had been the ‘wolf kid’ since elementary. and I’m not saying I didn’t play into it when I found out the rumor — teen wolf (1985) was one of my favorite movies so of course I wanted to pretend I was living it.

but this went on for years. I had kids showing up behind my house on the full moon hoping to catch me changing. people were afraid to invite me to sleepovers. so when I finally got invited to a party, on that full moon no less, I went all out. I waited for the moon to rise. I hid a costume werewolf head and clawed gloves in the woods, snuck out there mid-party while 30-something kids were gathered around a bonfire, changed, ripped my clothes and started howling from the trees. some brave souls started to investigate and that’s when I started to chase them. pandemonium broke out. and oh, did I have the time of my life, because I hated most of these kids. revenge of the nerds, and all that. they’d teased me for years for things I couldn’t help like being sickly or having too much hair on my body.

I made my getaway with a friend at the end, and left the rest to wonder. most of them realized the prank and later laughed it off with me. but there was one kid who, senior year of high school, admitted I intimidated him because he still believed I was a werewolf. I put my arm around his shoulder, told him, “Between you and me, I am,” and gave him a wink. even after graduation, that guy looked at me like I would eat him alive.

I gotta say, there are worse things to be than a teenage werewolf

shamrockace

@astraeus-moon @theshapeshifter100

lemonsandgrapes

theveryworstthing

life has been lifein’ haven’t been posting for a while but hopefully i’ll have stuff to post soon.

without getting into the full rollercoaster of misery, health problems abound in my loved ones and every year for the last 3 years we’ve lost at least one family member. my gramma Rosezina died on June 1st after 83 years of being A Problem. her funeral was on the 8th during a day so hot that we couldn’t be at the graveside for more than a few minutes, fitting weather for a woman nicknamed Hot for her good looks and spicy temper. i loved her very much, i love her very much, and the emotional strain of everything that came after the Big Stroke fucked me up a little bit.

here’s one of my favorite stories about her, stop me if you’ve heard this one:

my gramma was schizophrenic, a fact i didn’t figure out until i was told by a family member at some time during my preteen or early teen years because the way schizophrenia was depicted on tv or movies was so different from what she was. she was an amazing quilter, gardener, cook, baker (i’ll never have a caramel cake that rivals hers), and general gold star deep country grandmother who was always sweet to me, her first born granddaughter, even when she stopped remembering who i was exactly in her later years.

also, she never liked being told what to do.

also, also, she hung out with the devil for a while.

she said he’d just show up sometimes, the most beautiful, angelic, enchanting man you ever did see. he’d come to her when she was feeling overwhelmed, upset, or lonely, and offered words of comfort and a gentle listening ear. she had a hard life, and that comfort was very valuable to her even if it was coming from the devil, so over time he became her friend and she trusted him right up until the day he told her to kill her kids and free herself from all the problems constantly weighing her down.

need i remind you, she did. not. like. being told what to do. (especially when the thing she’s being told to do is murdering her own children)

so of course, she told all her kids to walk up the road to my great gramma’s house, and when they were gone Hot dragged the couch the devil was sitting on outside into the front yard and set it on fire with him sitting on it.

from what i was told he seemed very irritated but didn’t get up as she stared him down and watched him burn.

afterwards some other family members put the fire out and she returned to her chores like nothing happened. as far as i know the devil never talked to her again.

and that’s why i grew up knowing that the, ‘the devil made me do it’ defense is some bullshit. if the devil is real he can’t make you do shit. he flounces off if told no (and set on fire) once.

weak bitch.

lemonsandgrapes

poetavaquero

dr who’s on first, doctor strange is on second and doctor house is on third. theres no way theyre getting through a single inning

four-rabbits-in-a-trenchcoat

so who’s on first?

you-say-that-so-often

That’s right 👍🏻

four-rabbits-in-a-trenchcoat

that’s strange

you-say-that-so-often

No, he’s on second.

four-rabbits-in-a-trenchcoat

Well how’s he on second if he’s on first?

you-say-that-so-often

No no no, House is on third. Second base is Strange.

supreme-leader-stoat

Well this whole darn thing is strange but what I’m asking is who’s on first?

cplus902

Naturally.

supreme-leader-stoat

Who?